


Side By Side

by MrsnMrsAird



Category: Carol (2015), The Price of Salt - Patricia Highsmith
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-03-17
Packaged: 2018-05-18 05:08:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5899405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrsnMrsAird/pseuds/MrsnMrsAird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Carol and Therese decide to take another road trip together. It's so familiar yet so different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New York

Waking up to the smell of pancakes and coffee in the morning is a luxury Therese might never get used to. Mornings are the only respite both Carol and Therese got from the absolute madness that is pre-Christmas work. As holidays get closer, everyone starts rushing to get stuff done so that they can enjoy their time away from work without a worry. Therese loosely ties her robe around her body and walks out of their bedroom. The apartment is nice and warm and filled with the smell of fresh breakfast being prepared. Therese watches Carol; hair immaculate, the smile in her eyes, how she sways a little as if there is music playing in her head, she can’t help but smile at her love.

“Morning Carol”

“Good Morning, Sleepyhead. Are you hungry?”

Therese sits at their dinner table, dreamily looking at Carol bringing her breakfast. She tilts her head back and motions for Carol to kiss her. She can feel her smile on her lips and sighs contently into the kiss. She happily munches on her pancakes, prepared with fresh strawberries and cream. In these moments, Therese revels the most, the simple act of sharing a breakfast with the one she loves brings her so much joy that she thinks she might explode.

“I can’t wait for Christmas. I don’t think I can handle another family asking me to replicate whatever centuries old furniture they sold off in hopes that it would be worth more than it looked” Carol said perusing through the newspaper, sipping her coffee absentmindedly. Carol had left her job as a buyer and now was the store manager. She had more work to do but the pay rise didn’t hurt.

“I wouldn’t mind doing absolutely nothing after this week. Work’s been a pain. I might ask for that month’s break after all”

“It should do you good, after all, all work no play makes jack a dull boy”

Therese laughed. The telephone blared through the apartment and Carol got up to get it. Therese carries her plate to sink and starts making a mental list of the things that needed to be done today. Files to be reorganised, photos to be developed, talking to her boss about a possible vacation. Carol flits past her to grab her coat.

“Darling, I just got a call from the store and I need to be in. See you tonight” Carol pressed her lips to Therese’s cheek.

“I have to work late tonight so don’t wait up for me,” said Therese.

“When will I get to spend a proper evening with you I wonder” And with that Carol went out the door and their day was set into motion.

Lunchtime rolled around, it was the only time Therese had to herself. She walked up to Mr. Cage’s office and waved to Julie. Julie was his assistant; short, blonde, walked with a twist in her step and had a near-permanent grin on her face. Her and Therese had gotten close, being the only women in the office and sharing a common love for literature.

“Hey Julie, Is the boss in?”

“Yeah, you need something?”

“Finally going to ask him about that vacation”

“Well, whadaya know even Therese Belivet can get sick of her job.”

“There is hardly any good company around to keep me entertained”

“Oh hush, I am a delight. Go right in, he’s in a good mood so I like your chances”

Therese enjoyed Julie’s company. She might be a bit peculiar but Therese liked having someone interesting like her to talk to. Her boss had promised her time off but assigned some extra work she needed to do beforehand to compensate. This would mean working overtime till Christmas Eve but it would be worth it in the end she thought.

Work had come to a close and Therese made her way home. She entered the apartment slowly, trying not to make a sound in case Carol had already gone to bed. She walked in to see Carol on the couch with her head back, blowing smoke rings to the ceiling, two beers on the coffee table and the fireplace roaring.

“I told you not to wait up, you have to work tomorrow”

“Work can wait, my dear but my heart can’t, get over here” She patted the space next to her to usher her over.

Therese hung her coat on the coat rack, knocked her shoes off, grabbed her beer and sat next to Carol on the couch. She put her head in her lap and her feet on the couch. The soothing circles Carol drew on her scalp sent her into a sleepy haze. Therese finally realised how truly tired she was and started to melt into the couch.

“I got the time off. Mr. Cage agreed but I’ll have to work overtime till Christmas Eve to make up for it.”

“Normally I would be more opposed to a man keeping you from me but if that means I get to have you all to myself for a month then it’ll be worth the trouble” Carol brought her head down to kiss Therese, slow and needy, as if they had all their lives to just lay there and kiss but that still wouldn’t be enough. Therese reluctantly pulled back and started to get up. Carol wrapped her arms around her hips, holding her there, resting her head on the curve of her waist and let out a low whine.

“I need to sleep Carol. I am sorry” Therese almost whispered, trying to pull Carol to her feet by tugging at her arms. She hated saying no to her but she could barely stand. Both of them sluggishly got ready for bed, Therese felt as though her bones were burning, she needed to be close to Carol but hadn’t the energy to do anything but drop to bed like a brick. Therese clung to her as she fell into a dreamless sleep.

The days leading up to Christmas had been its own type of hell. Carol would leave early so they no longer shared their breakfast, just goodbyes said across the apartment and quick pecks to the lips. Therese came back late every night; she could tell Carol tried to stay up for her since she usually found her asleep on the couch with her glass of rye on the table. Some nights she would gently try to wake her up and get her to bed but on other nights she would drag the comforter off the bed and just sleep on the couch; Work nights were tough and she knew she wouldn’t fall asleep without Carol by her side. Holidays got closer and Therese grew more and more anxious because she had a pile of work left to finish but after this she got to spend Christmas at home and she could recover in her time off. She sped through all the paperwork she had to sort and collapsed in a chair next to Julie.

“You look like you have been running on a steam engine the way you are guzzling down cigarettes.” Julie had sounded concerned but Therese was not one to care at that moment.

“I think I have seen enough of this place for a lifetime.” The walls seemed smaller to Therese now and she was trying to focus on the wallpaper as if trying to find colour in the now muted brown walls.

“Cheer up Belivet, only a little bit till you get to go home and get into the holiday cheer”

At that, Therese’s mind went straight to thinking about how she and Carol would spend tonight. She wondered if Dannie had got her present yet, which she sent well in advance in fear that it would arrive late. Dannie had moved to California after getting a chance to write column in the Los Angeles Times. Despite being Richard’s friends first, both Phil and Dannie kept in touch. She thought of the potential of a visit from Rindy on the 27th, how happy Carol would be with that. She was giddily excited about the holidays now and couldn’t wait to get back home.

Her first apartment here never felt like home, neither did her mother’s house after she remarried. Richard’s house felt like home for a while, when she saw everyone dancing, enjoying each other’s company, drinking and spilling pink eggnog during her Christmas visits but that was her trying to convince herself that this is what home should be. Who knew that she would find home in an apartment on Madison Avenue, where she knew that the most beautiful woman in the world waited for her, with glasses of champagne out and music playing on their phonograph. How could she have ever imagined this being her life? She burst through her apartment door and immediately jumped into Carol’s arms, her perfume capturing her senses as if it were a spell.

“Someone’s happy to see me. You had a good day?” Carol said into her hair, holding her close.

“I am always happy to see you. My day was appalling but that doesn’t matter right now”

Carol threw her head back and laughed. It was like hearing it for the first time again, loud and crystalline, resonating through the apartment.

“Well come on then let’s go decorate the tree”

They decorated the small tree in their apartment with the ridiculous amount of decorations Carol bought, in spite of which she still insisted Therese cut angels out of tissue. They had a simple dinner with bourbon then proceeded to dance around like what Carol called love struck morons. The clock had struck 12 an hour ago and now they sat outside under a pile of blankets, huddled close together on a lounger in their balcony. Snow had just started to fall and they looked out on the skyline of New York together, the lack of cars at night never seemed to make this city look empty. Neither one said anything, the only sound between them being the radio softly playing Nat King Cole.

“I have missed you” Therese suddenly said.

“We live in the same apartment, Therese” Carol sounded a bit incredulous but amused all the same.

“I know but I just have” She looked at her now. Her grey eyes sparkling, the red tinge on her nose and cheeks, the glow of her blonde hair, illuminated by the light of their apartment. She watched her brows knit together and her eyes shift for a minute.

“I know you want to relax for the month that you have off work but I was thinking maybe you’d like to see Los Angeles. I think it would do you good, a change of scenery to inspire your photography perhaps. I thought you might enjoy it.”

“Would you?”

Even after nearly a year of living together, Therese still heard the nervousness in Carol’s voice. A road trip across the country was the last thing on Therese’s mind but now she wanted nothing more.

“Yes. Yes I would” Therese said with the utmost excitement. She grabbed Carol’s face and kissed her hard. She felt like she would burst with the love she had for this woman.

“I love you”

“I love you too, my angel”


	2. New York - Ohio

The apartment had flung into a very unexpected rush the very moment Carol got a phone call from Harge, telling her that Rindy wanted to spend Christmas with her and that she would be coming over for lunch. Maps flung open on the table and talks of travel had been overtaken by the sudden excitement of Rindy visiting and then the wave of anxious need for perfection had sent both of them into a frenzy. Therese made her way to the nearest supermarket, neither of them had thought to buy any ingredients needed for Christmas dinner since it was understood that they would go out for dinner but now the dinner had turned to lunch and it had to be done within a few hours. She was grateful that there wasn’t much crowd to delay her any further as it was still early. The streets wore a thin veil of snow from last night and the air held a chill that bit at her cheeks. She made quick work of buying what she needed so that she could then possibly buy Rindy a Christmas present. She had her eyes on a disposable camera or paint set, whichever one she could find. Rindy had always shown an interest in her pictures and she had absolutely loved it when they had taken her to the museum to see all kinds of art. 

Therese had given in and bought Rindy both the camera and the paint set, and now walked to the candy store, she knew Carol would say something about not over indulging her but if Therese was honest, she had never thought of having children and preferred to admire them from afar but just like her mother, Rindy was a special one and had managed to steal her heart the day she hugged her so tight that she might’ve strangled Therese. On her way back to the apartment, through the store window she saw the most gorgeous set of leather gloves, coloured in a deep and rich mauve, she went in and immediately bought them. She would have to quickly hide these under the tree when she got back home.

She picked up their mail, mostly flyers, Christmas wishes, letters from old customers to Carol, thanking her and wishing her well and a letter from Dannie telling her that she received her gift on time and that he had just lost his favourite pen so this was the perfect replacement. She smiled and then quickly remembered that she should write him a letter informing him that Carol and her were headed to California soon. She would have to keep that for tonight, as well as sending Julie an apology for sending her that bottle of wine so late. Julie would understand, with work and all but it was better if she did apologise. 

“Carol? I’m home!” She still smiled while saying it, another one of those things that always warmed her heart. The apartment was squeaky clean by now, not even a cushion out of place.

“Oh thank god you’re back! Did you find everything?” Carol kissed her cheek and took the groceries from her.

“Everything except the turkey so I got ham instead. I hope that’s alright.” 

Carol hummed in response. Therese went to set her gifts for Rindy under the tree. She hid the gloves in their room with a little note attached to it. 

Carol had gone to get ready and Therese decided to decorate the apartment the best she could. She sat down with three stockings, carefully writing each of their names on it, she cut a small snowflake and stuck it to Rindy’s stocking, she was of the mind to cut a tiny cigarette out of paper and stick it to Carol’s stocking but she just stuck a heart instead. Stockings were then hung on the mantle above the fireplace and stuffed with candy.

“How did I ever function without you? Darling, you are a blessing!” Carol suddenly appeared into the living room, admiring the minimal decorations Therese could manage. Therese had to stop herself from gawking at her, in her stunning red dress.

“You look magnificent” Therese stood on her toes and gave her a chaste kiss.

“Thank you Therese.” 

They could have stared at each other forever in that moment, smiling contently.

Lunch was prepared, everything was in place and both of them sat on their dinner table waiting for Rindy to arrive. Therese traced the tendons on the back of Carol’s hand, trying to calm her nerves. Carol looked as if she were frozen in time, eyes far away, wandering from one thing to the other, back and shoulders stiff, mouth only moving to take a drag of her cigarette. They waited for the doorbell to ring and the minute it did, Carol melted suddenly coming to life again. Tiny footsteps followed by large hollow ones reached their door.

“Mommy!!” Rindy jumped up into Carol’s arms.

“My Baby!! How have you been?” Carol now smiled with her whole face.

“I’ll pick her up by 4.” Harge said quietly, he knew had no place here and it bothered him.

The door was shut and then came hours of absolute bliss. They enjoyed perfectly cooked ham, Carol would be damned if she let it overcook, this time, Rindy told stories of school and her friends and after lunch came time to open presents. Rindy hoped off the table and ran straight for the tree, overjoyed at the sight of three presents waiting for her. She unwrapped each of them carefully. 

“Is it a train set?! Thank you, mommy!!” Rindy threw her arms around Carol and snuggled into her neck. Therese reached for her camera and caught the moment on film. It stung Therese that these moments were rare and that Carol had to wait and cling on to whatever time she could get with her daughter. It was unfair, why couldn’t she be this happy all the time? Therese tries not to think about the reasons, how she might be one of them.

“A camera and a paint set?? Someone is getting spoiled!” Carol laughed as her daughter tried to imitate Therese, raising the camera to her face and trying to take a photo of her mother. 

“Come on, let Therese show you how to use it” 

Time flew by painting pictures and taking photos. All three of them giggled and laughed their time away and Rindy left with the biggest smile on her face. Every time she left Therese wondered what went through Carol’s mind, what plagued her thoughts. Therese cleaned up the living room, she always gave Carol her space after her visits with Rindy, part of her hated the distance but another part of her knew that Carol needed it. There was still some light out and not much to do so Therese sat in bed, at least trying to read, she had to read the same line three lines for it to even register. She heard the door open; Carol came in and wriggled her way into Therese’s arms.

“Can we start towards the west today?” Carol sounded tired.

“We need to pack for it first” Therese took her face in her hands and brought her forehead to her lips. She suddenly remembered the gloves and quickly got up to get them out of the cupboard. She handed it to Carol, a small smile on her lips from seeing Carol’s confused expression. 

“Oh these gloves are gorgeous. You shouldn’t have.” Therese felt triumphant that Carol had liked the gift. ‘Merry Christmas, Love – T’ Carol beamed as she read the note.

“My turn” She watched Carol get a small box out of her study.

“Merry Christmas Therese” 

It was a gold, round-faced, self-winding watch, slender and simply gorgeous. Therese ran her fingers along its length, holding it as if it was the most delicate thing in the world.

“Turn it over”

‘With Love, From C to T’ was engraved on the back. Therese felt tears well up in her eyes. She jumped on Carol, pushing her onto her back and into bed and started peppering her face with kisses till she reached her lips. She was floating, like a delicate flower petal floating down a brook, through valleys of marigold, slowly drifting through time and space. She pulled back to match grey eyes filled with the gold of the sunshine that filtered it’s way through their bedroom curtains. 

“How do you do it?” Carol brow furrowed at the question. 

“Do what?” Carol spoke quietly, against Therese’s lips that hovered over hers.

Therese connected their mouths again and the question was lost. After a long while of just laying together, with a sudden burst of energy both of them decided to not waste any time and leave as soon as possible. Was it impulsive? Was it inconvenient? Sure it was but Therese didn’t care for those questions, those were worries for a later time. They packed up by nightfall, ate dinner and now were finishing up on last-minute formalities. Therese sat in her study writing two letters, one to Dannie, thanking him for the lovely leather-bound journal he sent her and informing him at she would be coming to California soon and the other letter to Julie informing her of the trip and quickly apologising for the late gift. Julie hadn’t known of her and Carol so she would have to masquerade it as an innocent trip between friends. She heard Carol talk to Abby, the only person who would pick up the telephone at this hour.

“I am going to make good use of that flask you gave me on this trip – no I won’t crash the car you nitwit, we all know that’s your forte”

Carol laughed loudly at whatever Abby had to say in response. Therese still had to suppress the pang of jealousy whenever Carol laughed like that because of Abby but they were at a mutual understanding now. They respected each other’s place in Carol’s life and knew that each was vital.

“Come on now, you’ve no reason to be jealous of my girlfriend”

Therese’s mouth fell open at the use of that nickname. Her smile grew wide and she skipped out of her room, kissed Carol on the cheek and went out to drop the two letters off to be delivered. They got some rest but woke up while it was still dark, Carol quickly prepared a batch of sandwiches for their food basket and Therese finished up packing for the both of them. In quiet of the early morning, both of them sat in their car, excited and full of nostalgia. Carol kissed Therese on the lips, for good luck she said and started the car. And just like the first time, they rode on to the open road, towards the horizon. The first tresses of light had started to adorn the streets of New York, Therese looked to Carol and then out the window; there it was, their perpetual sunrise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for the awesome response on the first chapter! I am so glad people are enjoying the story!


	3. Ohio - Illinois

The sun flared and glimmered in the sky, yellow and orange, with grandeur. Like Midas it turned everything it touched into gold, for like the first few hours of their journey. Now they were stuck parked on the highway as sheets and sheets of cold rain fell on to the car roof, drumming the angry sounds of clouds. Therese was just hoping it wouldn’t turn into a hailstorm. Fortunately the car had been warm; the voice of Ella Fitzgerald softly playing from the radio, and coats and scarfs bundled around their bodies. Carol handed Therese a thermos filled with coffee.

“There isn’t much we can do now except just enjoy hot coffee and good company I suppose” Carol said smugly.

“Well at least I have the hot coffee” Therese shot back, equally smug, saying it while dramatically looking out the window.

Carol snorted. She took the thermos back from Therese with an exaggerated swing of her arm, acting offended. They passed the thermos back and forth between each other, sometimes speaking but mostly just seating in comfortable silence. The song on the radio changed and Therese saw Carol’s lips curl as she started humming along to ‘You go to my head’.

Therese immediately felt heat rise to her cheeks as Carol lowly started singing along. Her voice was melodious, like dark chocolate and rum truffles Therese had always thought but it was uniquely hers, incomparable to anything else. Carol must have caught her staring because she had stopped singing and looked at her with a curious expression. Therese quickly looked away, trying to hide the blush on her cheeks; she pulled her coat closer around her. Therese’s mind always wandered in these moments and Carol always caught on and took great pleasure in adding fuel to the fire.

“You seem cold. Let me help.” Carol removed her scarf and slowly rolled her head as if trying to get a knot out of her neck. She ran her fingers delicately along the length of her neck and collar, knowing that Therese was watching.

“You’d do better than just a scarf” Therese moved across the bench seat towards Carol. She couldn’t help herself.

“And I thought I wasn’t good company”

“Shut up and kiss me”

Carol laughed as she took Therese onto her lap and bit gently at her lower lip before fully kissing her. Therese melted in to her, hands around her neck pulling her close, straddling her waist. Carol sighed at the contact and moved her hands from Therese’s waist to her butt, firmly squeezing. Therese moaned into Carol’s mouth, she ran her hand over her chest, feeling the curve of her breasts. Carol moved to her neck, biting and sucking, reducing Therese to pants and gasps. Therese fumbled with the buttons of Carol’s blouse, fingers slightly shaking, their coats getting in the way. Suddenly, both of them sprung apart at the sound of a car loudly honking as it went by. Therese looked at Carol and both of them understood their position, she peeled herself off of Carol and quietly sat back on her seat, smoothing her hair and her clothes. Carol quickly buttoned her blouse back and then turned to Therese. Therese wondered why Carol had immediately started laughing until she pulled up her compact and noticed the smudges of red lipstick all over her lips and neck, making her look like a clown.

“You do this on purpose, don’t you?”

“I would never dream of it, Darling” Carol cooed at Therese as she peered into the rear view mirror, reapplying her lipstick.

The open road felt familiar and yet so unfamiliar to Therese, like an old friend who moved away and you’ve suddenly run into at the supermarket years later. Both of them had been here before, driving to a destination but at the same time driving to nowhere at all but how different was it before? When fallen silences were due to unspoken words and unanswered questions, because there was too much to say and not enough known, about the other person or oneself. Now all had been said and all had been realised and these silences carry the comfort of knowing what the other person felt. Therese wouldn’t trade these silences for any amount of wealth in the world because in these silences she can look at Carol the same way she did almost an year ago at the same time and not worry about anything other than whether she was hungry or not, not be nervous about whether she enjoyed her company or was she a burden. It was in these silences where she could fall for Carol over and over again.

They stopped overnight in Ohio. Carol had been exhausted and fell asleep right after dinner but not before dragging Therese to bed with her. Therese sat up reading, tracing up and down Carol’s spine lightly with her fingertips, sometimes writing words from her book on to her back. She pressed her lips to Carol’s exposed shoulder, pulled the covers close and shut the lights for the night. Tomorrow was another hectic day.

Another terrible continental breakfast later, they were off to Chicago. The road and the skies were clear so Therese spent most of her time distracting Carol from the driving. Jabbing her with her feet, blowing smoke rings at her, unexpectedly kissing her cheek, thank the stars that Carol had been an excellent driver otherwise they would’ve crashed before they made a mile onto the road. She was feeling reckless, while that made Carol nervous, Therese reassured her with a single beaming smile, she was reckless, not stupid she wouldn’t actually put them into danger. Empty threats to stop were ignored until Carol pulled over and attacked Therese with tickles. Carol didn’t stop till Therese had surrendered, shouting okay I’ll stop in between catching her breath and laughing. Therese felt like her sides would explode, she laughed until her lungs burned and till she felt exhausted, like she burned off half her weight. She sleepily leant towards the window, watching the country roll by. She closed her eyes for a minute and they opened to the Drake hotel. Of course they would stay here, she thought.

They had decided to stay a day in Chicago before setting off again. They went around eating deep-dish pizza, visiting the public library and going around flea markets, they forgot how difficult being in public without getting too close had been. They would start at an arms length on the sidewalk and slowly but surely start walking so close to each other that the backs of their hands touched. Carol found some amazing fabric and furniture that needed to be in the shop so she immediately got set on sending it to New York, Therese wandered around taking photos and looking out for nick knacks she could buy. Her boss had a taste for antiques so it would be the perfect souvenir. The hues of the flea market were a vibrant rainbow, red chairs here, a yellow dress there, green shoes hung, blue bottles strewn, indigo dyes, purple rugs, Therese was excited to develop these photos in colour. They decided to skip dinner and just spend the rest of the night in their room.

“Have I ever told you of the time I broke my foot doing the east coast swing with Abby?” Carol airily spoke, blowing smoke out of her mouth. Her eyes looked off to the ceiling as if she was reminiscing.

Therese joined her on the room floor and leant her head against her shoulder.

“We had maybe a little to a lot of tequila and neither of us were one to back down from a challenge. We tried to exaggerate this one move I can’t even remember and fell into a group of bystanders. I hopped on one leg to her car and we drove to the hospital in the middle of the night.” Carol laughed at the memory.

Therese had a hard time imagining someone as poised as Carol drunkenly falling and then hopping off the dance floor. She started to giggle at the thought of Abby, equally drunk and unstable, trying to help Carol off the dance floor and into her car. She wondered what both of them were like back then, doubtful that Abby had changed much. The record on the phonograph changed.

“Let’s see if I can swing like before. Join me?” Carol looked over to Therese with her hand out stretched.

“I can barely walk in heels without falling over and would prefer to enjoy this vacation without injury” Carol rolled her eyes and walked over to pull her up to her feet.

“Just follow me”

Therese followed Carol to the best of her ability, letting her body be pulled and lead by her. She tripped a couple of times but Carol always caught her and kept the rhythm going. She had never seen Carol so free, silk robe and hair held back, but some how she still maintained her elegance. She had been doing well until she spun around and lost her footing, falling into Carol. She lifted her face from her chest and looked at up at her face, which smiled endearingly at her. Carol shifted her hands to her waist and lead them into a waltz. They moved slowly together to beat of nothing at all; the song on the phonograph had long since given its last note. Bodies flushed together moving in unison.

“You really are a terrible dancer.” Carol teased.

Therese let out a gasp, incredulous. She punched Carol’s arm, earning a laugh then let her head fall on her shoulder. Her perfume still smelt divine, just as intoxicating as before.

“But you are a great partner.” Therese heard the sentiment behind it; she knew it went beyond just dancing. She pressed her lips to her clothed shoulder and then to her neck.

“You too.”

These nights when they fell asleep with arms around one another, exhausted from the day, head full of new memories, some to regretfully forget and some to always cherish, they were some of Therese’s favourite nights. She felt whole, lulling to sleep with an excitement for tomorrow and an intrigue for the future. Their day would start with kisses, packing and rushed breakfast, all into motion before she could process it but right now everything was still, calm and quiet, nothing moved beyond its own slow breathing so she could now gather her thoughts and hold those dear and let some go.

The engine hummed and the car started to life, another day another road nothing new but different all the same. ‘Waterloo, Iowa’ the signboard came up and sent them both into reverie, where they had been back then and where they were now, what had changed and what hadn’t. They looked onto the road ahead of them and when their eyes did meet, they launched into a flurry of giggles, like teenagers who had gotten a kick out of holding hands in public. It was early yet and there was no reason stop and stay. The car read empty so they made their way to a gas station. Carol sorted the car out, gas refilling, checking the tires and Therese went ahead looking to refill their food basket. She found a post card offering greetings from waterloo and bought it immediately. Radio blaring, food basket full and car ready, another day another road another adventure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun times have started! Really excited for the next chapter!


	4. Nebraska - Colorado

Fifteen minutes to New Years. Therese sat up against the headboard sprawled on her twin bed in her robe, which fell delicately at the middle of her thigh exposing her legs. She waited for Carol to be done with her shower and notice the stout and card she set out for her, she hadn’t had the time to pick up a proper gift for Carol since they left New York on such short notice so she hoped that this small gesture would do for now. She heard the faucet turn and the creaking of the door soon after it, the steam of the shower entering into the room following Carol.

“Greetings from Waterloo” Carol read aloud with a smile in her voice

She fell silent as she read what Therese wrote on the inside. Suddenly Therese felt shy and unsure of herself, would Carol even appreciate the postcard? Or was it silly of her to think the memories related to Iowa were appropriate? She watched Carol move across the room to open the stouts.

“You shouldn’t spoil me like this” Her back was now turned to Therese so she couldn’t see the smile on her face but only hear her joking tone.

“I couldn’t find anything decent so I picked up the stout in Chicago because you mention you liked it before” Therese fumbled over her words, concentrating on her hands playing her robe. She felt nervous and stupid like she once always did around Carol. She felt Carol sit on the edge of the bed by her feet; she didn’t look up to take the stout proffered to her. She felt her hand on her calf, only then she looked up to meet Carol’s gaze. Grey eyes warm with adoration stared right into hers, melting away any shred of insecurity she harbored.

“Thank you Therese, this is really thoughtful of you. Happy Anniversary, Dearest” Carol’s voice sounded sincere and Therese relaxed again. She held her gaze for long till Therese watched her smile turn mischievous as she swigged from the bottle. Carol shifted closer, her hand moving toward Therese’s thigh.

“I feel terrible that I have nothing to give you” Carol turned her head away from Therese in mock shame. She continued to move her hand up her legs. Therese put a hand around her wrist, stopping her meandering. 

“I think you know what I want.” Therese said confidently, taking a swig of her beer before setting it down. She put Carol’s hand on her inner thigh, never once breaking eye contact. She saw Carol’s eye darken as she bit her lip. Therese sat back as Carol lowered herself to place a kiss near her ankle.

“Your wish is my command” 

Carol started to kiss her way up Therese’s legs. She made sure to mark her legs carefully, biting then immediately soothing it with her tongue. Therese watched Carol decorate her legs in love bites; clutching the bed sheets, panting and gasping for air. Her head hit the wall behind her as Carol moved to her inner thigh continuing her routine of teeth and tongue. She moved a hand into tresses of golden curls, tangling her fingers and desperately trying to guide Carol to where she most needed her. Carol never gave in easy and pulled Therese flat on the bed as she climbed on top of her. She opened Therese’s robe in one smooth motion, stopping to breath in the sight of her and then started to give Therese’s torso the same treatment as her legs. Therese’s head gave a complete blank as she felt Carol moved over her neck, chest, breasts, stomach, setting her skin on fire. She felt like lighting had just struck her and it travelled all through her veins, shocking every nerve in her body. Words had long since been lost and the room filled with Therese’s moans and screams. The ache between her legs became too much for her to bear she had to force whatever words she could manage. 

“I need you. Now”

Therese squeezed her eyes shut and bit the back of her hand as Carol went down on her. Carol took her time, driving Therese mental. Her whole body shook, Carol’s name on her lips like a prayer as Carol brought her to her edge and changed her pace each time she got close and just when she thought she wouldn’t be able to take more before her whole body gave out, with the expert curl of Carol’s tongue she came. Her hands dug into Carol’s back, trying to find any kind of support as she rode the wave of her orgasm. Carol came up and kissed her softly, hands caressing her hair. Therese felt like putty, she couldn’t lift her limbs in fear that they would just be jelly. She opened her eyes to see Carol on her side lying beside her, head resting on her hand propped up by the elbow. Carol played with her hair and smiled at her endearingly as Therese caught her breath enough to speak. 

“I love you” Therese finally spoke drowsily, eyes heavy with sleep.

She moved to open Carol’s robe but she caught her wrists. 

“Tonight’s for you. Go to sleep. I love you too.” Carol kissed her top her head. She pulled off her robe and dragged the covers around the both of them.

Therese nuzzled into Carol’s neck and draped an arm around her waist. Carol placed her hand on Therese’s back and pulled her close. Therese never felt safer than she did in Carol’s arms, she never felt more beautiful than under Carol’s gaze, she never felt as happy than when she was with Carol. 

“Happy New Year, Love” Therese kissed Carol. Carol hummed contently in response.

“Happy New Year, Dear” 

Sleep quickly found the both of them.

 

Therese’s eyes felt sunshine on her eyelids and the lack of weight beside her. Her eyes opened and scanned the room in front of her for Carol, the pang of anxiety of her not being there still churns in her stomach even after so long, she can’t help it and she hates herself for it. She rolls over to her back, body sore from last night. She looks over to see Carol standing on the opposite side of the room, smoking and looking out of the window. Relief washes over Therese at the sight of her and she smiles a little.

“G’morning” Therese peaked her head out from behind the covers. 

“Look who finally woke up” Carol now turned to her, smiling brightly at her.

There is a knock on the door. Therese raises her eyebrow to Carol.

“I wasn’t sure when you’d wake up so I called for breakfast to be brought up” 

Therese let her head hit the pillow, relieved that she wouldn’t have to rush to get ready and could lounge around for a little longer. She heard Carol make pleasantries with the attendant, how do you dos, happy new years and talks of the weather, typically boring. The door creaked again as the attendant started to leave.

“Umm excuse ma’am. If don’t mind us knowing, was everything alright last night?” Therese was kicked out of her haze and alert at the sound of that question. She didn’t want to get up lest the attendant see that she is naked under the covers. 

“I am not sure I follow.” Carol said calmly but Therese could hear the alarm bells going off in her mind.

“Our apologises ma’am. Other guests mentioned loud..uh noises so we were merely concerned.” Attendant sounded awkward, as if he didn’t want to have this conversation.

“Everything was more than alright. I appreciate your concern but you must have the wrong room number.” Carol said sternly. 

“Again our apologises ma’am. Enjoy your breakfast.”

The door clicked shut and Therese sat up on the bed. Carol already looked weary, pinching the bridge of her nose and taking a long drag of her cigarette. Silence hung heavy in the room, both of them barely touched their sandwiches, opting to finish the kettle of tea inside. They packed the sandwiches with wax paper and got ready to leave. Therese put on her skirt that best covered her legs, making sure all the marks were not visible. Carol quietly handed her a scarf, it was a little too warm in the morning for a scarf but she understood and wrapped it around her neck. Both of them said nothing as they moved separately, Therese going one way to pack the suitcases into the car and Carol going the other to get them signed out. The silence followed them into the car too; no longer was it comfortable and warm, now it drooped with nervous energy. There was no detective following them this time but Therese still instinctively checked the side mirror every so often. They would never escape this, Therese thought. Those judgmental eyes, those accusatory questions, these would follow them everywhere, like a parasite feeding off of their shame. But there was no shame for them to consume, maybe that’s why they chose to hate. Therese felt no shame in loving this woman who left her life behind for her. While she knew it wasn’t just because of her, she adored Carol’s strength to live, as she wanted. Her life was the poster child for everyone to look at and envy but those envious didn’t know the amount of compromise that went into making it look so, like Carol said once that a pillar of marble shines with pride for only a time till it crumbles, for what its composed of is merely soft stone. 

Carol now only glanced at her occasionally. Her back stiff and movements calculated as she drove looking straight ahead but not concentrating merely on the road. Therese would’ve been hurt or even mad when Carol grew cold like this but now she knew otherwise. Now she was worried, she saw the gears in Carol’s head turn faster than the tyres of the car, turning over every possible outcome of the situation, how it could go to hell any second. She wasn’t about to sit and let Carol drown in her thoughts; she reached for Carol’s hand. She pulled her hand confidently even when it jerked away at her touch.

“We should really be more careful you know” Carol finally spoke, breaking the ice that froze around them.

“I know but I don’t care. I have nothing to be ashamed of and I’ll be damned if I let them ruin that for me” Therese spoke loudly, voice unwavering. She needed Carol to know that she wasn’t about to be deterred. This will happen time after time but they would stand stronger each time. Together they were made of steel.

The air in the car immediately lifted, Carol finally broke a smile. Her shoulders and back relaxed, she no longer gripped the steering wheel as if she was going to break it. 

“But you really need to learn to be quiet. I don’t want a noise complaint everytime we have sex.” Carol teased. 

Therese laughed, blush creeping on to her cheeks. 

“What if I don’t learn? What’s a of couple noise complaints?” Therese leaned over to kiss Carol’s cheek.

“You and I both know it’s no where near just a couple, darling” Carol looked away from the road to catch Therese’s lips. Therese whole face turned red and she hid behind her palm as Carol laughed. She still didn’t let go of her hand, not even after conversation died and they both looked separate ways. 

A few hours on the road and they were passing Denver. Sioux falls, so many memories attached to that place, good, bad, beautiful, ugly, joyous, devastating, and a place in passing was all it was now. Therese found it liberating that they went along the same path they did before only to rinse it over and fill with new memories. 

“Babe the carnival is in town. Would you like to go?” Carol quipped.

“Yes! I would love some funnel cake” Therese had only ever been once or twice but she held a deep love for carnivals and fairs. 

Carol quickly parked the car and Therese led them, pulling Carol by her hand excitedly. They had a grand time walking around sampling everything, rides, food, games and all the silly attractions. Therese felt a childlike excitement in her throughout the night especially when she saw Carol also enjoying herself, the sheepish smile on her face whenever she saw Therese made it almost unbearable to not kiss her. Therese was coming back from getting both of them cotton candy, she stopped in her tracks when she saw Carol triumphantly waving a huge teddy bear above her head.

“Happy Anniversary Darling” Carol spoke into Therese’s ear as she helped Carol with the bear and handed her the candy.

“How did you manage to win this?!” Therese’s wide eyes spoke wonders of her bewilderment. 

“My school had clay pigeon shooting as an optional sport” Carol shrugged, taking a bite out of cotton candy.

Therese shook her head; she couldn’t believe that this woman actually existed and more over she couldn’t believe this was the love of her life. What were the odds of them ever running into each other, let alone be here together. She suddenly felt incredibly lucky and grabbed Carol’s hand once more.

“Come on, let’s go to the ferris wheel”

They sat in the besides each other on the bench of the ferris wheel. Their sides touched and as they went up they leaned more and more into each other. With a crunch, the bench came to an abrupt stop; Therese instinctively reached for Carol’s hand. Now they were stuck at the top of the wheel for good knows how long. Therese looked up at the stars littering the sky, shimmering brilliantly against the night sky. This wouldn’t have been the first time she wished her eyes were a camera. She felt Carol’s eyes on her, watching nothing but her, as if she was one with the stars, as if she was goddess Luna at whose altar Carol worshiped solemnly. Their eyes met and Carol closed the distance between them. If she was with the stars a moment ago, now she was in heaven and beyond.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a real fun chapter to write!


	5. Colorado - Nevada

Travel was as exhausting as it was fun. Taking in the sights and finding new places across a continent had its glory but the glory was somewhat marred by terrible beds that didn’t allow a wink of sleep and the long stretches of road with nothing even close to a restroom within a mile of you. Therese wore fatigue very blatantly, refusing to speak unless insistently spoken to, stooping her shoulders as she walked, the hours went by slower and even the air seemed to have weight when Therese was tired. Fatigue also affected Therese in her dreams, whenever she started to get nightmares that meant she needed to relax. It was always the same nightmare too. Her father, a man she barely knew but loved ever so dearly, standing on the frozen lake near their house where they went to ice skate every winter. He would reach out to her as the ice buckled underneath his feet and no matter how hard she tried she would never reach him, their fingers would never meet and Therese would wake up in a cold sweat before her father fell into the icy cold water. The nightmare would linger all day, it would speak to her when no one did, show her pictures are looked real but weren’t; having to remind herself that her father passed away from illness several decades ago and not to an imaginary accident wore her down and she would not talk much on those days, or eat, or do much of anything unless it was out of compulsion. And it was out of compulsion that Carol and her were on the road instead of sleeping in some motel. They went along the eerie, empty highway in silence, both too tired to be able to focus on talking and staying awake at the same time. Therese felt on edge the whole day and the dark, looming road ahead of them had her jumping at shadows that rolled by. The sign for a motel came into view.

“Do you want to stop? Or keep going?” Carol asked slowly. She hadn’t been sure if Therese was awake or asleep so she reached out for Therese’s hand.

“I don’t really want to stop.” The road wasn’t comforting at all but she hadn’t the strength in her to go through the entire ordeal that was checking in, unpacking, washing up and then finally going to bed. Therese laced her fingers with Carol’s.

“Okay. Let’s keep going until something catches our interest”

As if there was a whole lot to do on an empty road, Therese thought. Nothing was calming her down and she just wanted to go to sleep though it felt nearly impossible when her head felt like a train engine and her thoughts felt like the coal that burned and hissed as the train went on running merely out of compulsion as well. Soon the car came to a slow halt, Carol had pulled onto a gravelly side road. She released Carol’s hand and watched her gather their thermos, her coat and her flask and exit the car, Therese watched through the windshield, making her way to the front of the car, Carol waved her over as she sat on the hood. Therese gathered her coat, got out and joined her. It was freezing but like always it didn’t seem to bother Carol, she sat on the hood too and tugged at Carol side to snuggle up to her. Carol took her arm out of a sleeve of her fur coat and draped that half around Therese, her coat was just big enough for the both of them when Therese wrapped her arms around Carol’s waist and nuzzled into her side. It was way into the night and the whole world slept; Therese didn’t bother to look around for danger this once. Therese looked out in front of her to see wheat fields colored a deep blue, the wind making waves as wheat swayed in unison, moonlight reflecting off the slight frost covering the entire field and over this ocean of wheat was a glittering night sky, stars twinkling and the galaxy appearing as a magnificent tear in the sky itself. The moon was full but it seemed as if the stars shone harder to compete with it tonight. The shame of living in the city was never truly getting to experience this night sky and only being able to imagine the far away city lights as stars. She searched the sky for something, a particular star she always thought was her father looking over her. The brightest star in the sky, which always twinkled and gleamed no matter how much the lights of New York, tried to dim it.

“What are you thinking?” Carol spoke softly into her ear.

Carol always gave her time to think and mull over her thoughts, to gather courage and address them herself before questioning her about them and Carol also knew when her thoughts became too much for her to address without prompting. Therese loved her for it. And in these situations, the both of them listened to the conversation behind the words they spoke.

_What are you thinking? Are you okay? Are you ready to talk now? I’m worried about you. You don’t need to do this alone. I am here for you._

“Trying to find Orion.” It reminded her of her father because it was his favorite constellation.

Therese never actually saw Orion whenever her father showed her, though. He always had this excited smile on his face whenever he held her up on his shoulders and pointed to the sky, drawing the constellation with his finger. Therese would never dare sour her father’s joy at that moment so she always played along, oohing in pretend wonder even though all she saw was an empty sky.

Carol took Therese’s hand off her waist and stretched her index finger out; she brought the hand in front of both of them so Therese’s finger pointed to Sirius. She led her hand in a line from Sirius to three brightly glimmering stars in a row, then she slowly moved Therese’s hand around to draw Orion in the sky, just like her father did all those years ago. Therese watched with incredible attention as Orion appeared before her and as each line connected with the other she fell more and more in awe. Her father and her never saw the same things in a picture before them. Two pairs of olive eyes looked at the same sky, one saw the mighty greek hunter but the other just saw stars and wondered what existed beyond them but now, for the first time in all her years she saw what her father saw and she somehow felt closer to him, as if she understood him more. Carol let go of her hand and watched her trace over the pattern a couple more times. Tears struck her eyes and she buried herself into Carol’s side. Carol brought her arms around Therese protectively and held her close. Sometimes her nightmare changed and it would be Carol on the ice instead of her father but she would wake before the nightmare even began. It was as if even her subconscious knew that her heart wouldn’t beat another second had she ever witnessed that, even in a nightmare. She felt the entire brunt of her anxious thoughts and only now did she properly address the question of death that unknowingly plagued her mind the whole day. She never knew if heaven existed, even in her time at the boarding school she believed that people joined the stars after they died. When she couldn’t sleep she sat in front of her room window that looked directly out to the sky and stared at Sirius, she thought her father had never left and looked over her from Sirius. She would fall asleep on the floor in front of the window and be woken up by a very concerned sister Alicia.

“Would you wait for me when you join the stars?” Therese knew how small she sounded, she heard her 8-year-old self in that question.

“It’s a long time before that happens Therese” Carol chuckled.

“I know. But would you wait?”

_Would you wait? What if I can’t find you? Was there even a place to go after this? I don’t want to lose you. Please tell me we’ll be together even beyond this earth._

“I would Darling. I would wait ever so patiently. Then when you join me, I would take you into my waiting arms and we would spend eternity together.”

Carol sounded so honest that Therese immediately believed her without a second thought and the look she saw on her face made her never want to question the existence of eternity. Therese moved up to kiss her and all her worries melted away in a second. She felt serene kissing with Carol’s arms wrapped around her, her coat keeping them warm and her father looking down at her from the sky. She wondered what her father would think of Carol, Would he approve of their relationship? She knew her mother wouldn’t. She pulled back and looked to Sirius once more and decided he would because all he wanted was for her to be happy and she had never known happiness like she did with Carol. Therese hugged Carol tighter and pressed her forehead into her shoulder, she felt Carol’s arms tighten around her in response.

“I don’t feel like talking yet. I just want to hear you speak.” Therese said, words muffled by Carol’s chest but nonetheless heard and reassured by a kiss to the top of her head.

And off went Carol into a tangent about the sky and the colors of the night. Her father would talk of The Starry Night and it’s technique and ingenuity if he were here but Carol was more of a poet than a painter. She listened intently as Carol launched into some verse she read as a student. She lifted her head to watch her animatedly ramble, managing to change the topic to cinema now and move slightly to take an angry swig from her flask and continue on about the absurdities in American film. Her father always got passionate about art and when he would, the vein in on his temple would show. Therese now decided that Carol and her father would get along swimmingly.

“I adore you so much.” Therese grabbed Carol’s face and kissed her cheek. She left a slight lipstick stain on it.

Carol’s eyes went wide and her mouth fell slightly open. Carol looked away to hide her blush and the most girlish smile on her face. Therese always loved the look on Carol’s face whenever she paid her a compliment; she looked like a deer in headlights only cuter. Therese giggled and took the flask from Carol and swigged from it. She enjoyed turning Carol to mush and took pride in the fact that only she had the ability to do so.

“I adore you even more Rudolph” Carol pinched her nose and moved her head from side to side.

Therese’s nose must have been red from the cold and the sudden warmth of whiskey because Carol never used that nickname otherwise. Carol kissed the tip of her nose and squeezed her arms tightly around her. Therese nestled closer; she was practically sitting in Carol’s lap at this point. Therese didn’t know how much time they spent under the stars just talking about everything, from their preferred method of making coffee, to their day tomorrow, to the state of cinema, to the expanse of the universe. They looked out to the stars, forgetting their exhaustion and excitedly made up constellations in the sky. Therese decided that they would have to bring Rindy to see the stars one day. The image of the three of them counting stars and drawing in the sky made her giddy and excited despite her sleepiness. Carol once again took Therese’s fingers and started tracing what seemed like antlers on top of the moon.

“The moon is your big bright nose, Rudolph. There. To you, your very own constellation” At that Carol dropped Therese’s hand.

Therese laughed, her voice echoing in the emptiness of the field and traced the movements back to memorize them. Now she had a constellation to herself. She smiled because it was not just the stars in the sky but the entire moon to represent her because Carol seemed to not believe in small romantic gestures. Her love was magnificent and proud, just like the moon. Therese always saw her father in Sirius and now she knows that whenever she saw the moon, she would see Carol first.   


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! I have been busy with exams and will be for the next two weeks, so updates will be slow! sorry but I promise I will be back as soon as I have my free time back!


	6. Nevada

Barreling out of Colorado along the lonely Lincoln Highway they made headway towards Nevada. Therese was now in the drivers seat since Carol had almost fallen asleep behind the wheel and swerved into a tree Therese decidedly took over. Carol decided to sleep in the back seat because she “wasn’t about to sprain my neck or get a minor concussion from hitting the window”. She caught a glimpse of Carol’s pensive face in the rear view mirror, gently snoozing in the back seat. Driving through the night seemed like a hellish chore, staying awake on sheer will and coffee while looking onto endless horizons of nothing held no appeal to her, until now. She suddenly understood why Carol liked to drive at night, She enjoyed feeling like the earth stood still and the car was the only thing that caused it to spin. In the silence of the night, she could enjoy the softly playing music, either to mull over the lyrics or enjoy it as white noise. She could listen to the conversations the air held, a distant laughter or whistle of the wind. Therese blew smoke out of her mouth, pursing her lips to one side to direct the smoke out the open window. Cigarettes were a nasty habit that she would have to work on getting rid of, doubly so for Carol. Though she noticed that Carol smoked less these days, her cigarette case stayed full for longer and fewer late night trips for a pack of Marlboro 100s were being made. At the same time, she couldn’t imagine Carol not smoking; as if the woman invented the act itself but she hoped that both of them could lay this habit to rest soon. She was concerned for Carol’s health, no question about it, and the fact that their ages made their time together even more precious wasn’t lost to her. How many memories could they make in the little time they were given, if a woman was to live until 66 years of age then they had a meager 30 years together, how many places would they be able to see in these 30 years? How many promotions would they celebrate? Would she finally be editor in chief? Would Carol still be running her furniture store or give it up for something new or nothing at all? How many other reasons would they have to celebrate? Who would they be in 30 years? 15 years? 10?. She drove over a bump and Carol whined from the backseat, breaking her thought process. The sky started to change color and soon the billboards of Vegas would start peeking out of the horizon. She felt Carol stir; Therese leaned back into the drivers seat but wasn’t confident enough to look away from the road. Carol pressed a kiss to the back of Therese’s neck.

“G’ morning” Carol rested her chin on her arms, which were folded on top of the bench seat.

“Did you sleep well back there?” Therese continued to concentrate on the road ahead of her.

“As well as a deer at hunting hour.” Carol sighed to exaggerate her tiredness.

“They should put you in the movies with how dramatic you are.” Therese shook her head but laughed nonetheless.

Carol laughed airily along with Therese. Her tousled hair, hooded eyes, and sleepy drawl that made her sultry tone even more apparent, all made her unbearably cute. Therese had to peel her eyes away from the rear-view mirror to actually look at the road. She concluded that multiple lifetimes wouldn’t be enough for Carol and her, so they would have to do the best they could with the 30 years they’ve got given.   
  
They made it to Las Vegas near lunchtime and decided to not even touch the car for a good while. Both of them were exhausted and starving; they quickly checked in, enjoyed a quiet lunch and quickly went up to their room to catch up on their sleep. They both woke sometime around dusk. Carol made her routine phone calls, one to Rindy if she was not in school or asleep and one to Abby regardless of whether she was at work or asleep. Meanwhile, Therese decided to take a tour of the hotel like she always did. They stayed at the Flamingo, it was a bit gaudy for both of their tastes but so was everything else in Vegas. She went searching for the history of the place, to find all the lore behind it. Over dinner, Therese gave Carol the complete run down of all she found in one long breath. Carol simply smiled endearingly and listened to her girlfriend excitedly go on about everything and anything.

“Rindy was asking about you,” Carol spoke once Therese had gone quiet.

“Really?” Therese was pleasantly surprised by the fact that Rindy thought about her outside of her visits at their apartment.

“Hmm. I guess she misses the only other child in the family.” Carol quipped, which earned her a heel to the shin under the table.

Therese tried to look mad but her dimples quickly gave it away.

Next morning, they had breakfast in the banquet the hotel had beside their pool. Carol and Therese took a table near the pool, under the sunshine. Suddenly, the ground started to shake and people started to gather poolside, pointing to the sky in bewilderment. Therese and Carol joined the crowd to see a giant cloud making it’s way up the sky like jellyfish.

“That must be from the Nevada Test Site.” Therese spoke while still looking to the sky.

“Is that right?” Carol questioned.

“Yeah. They were talking about it at work some time back.”

Therese held her head down and quickly made her way back to their breakfast table without Carol.

She made a note to get a good shot of this tomorrow, possibly from the upper tanning deck. She tried to quell her shaking and forced a mouthful of juice down her throat. Therese had always tried to remain aloof about wartime issues for they disturbed her greatly, all the horror stories the orphaned girls of her boarding school told her always seemed to make their way back to her head. Talking and reading about it was one thing but seeing it up close both astonished and disturbed Therese. Though working at the Times made it hard for her to remain aloof, it was for her own good to be aware, she had become more hardened towards it. But here and there, some things would get to her and she would lose sleep over it for days. Carol sat beside her and took hold of her hand under the table, she knew the toll these things took on Therese’s mind. There were times when Therese would call the shop just to ask Carol if she’s okay or nights where Carol would have to hold Therese to stop her from shaking and lull her back to sleep, rocking back and forth and whispering words of comfort.

“It was a bad idea to come here after all.” Carol squeezed her hand as she spoke. They had thought to skip Nevada and carry on to Los Angeles but neither had wanted to drive anymore.

“No no it wasn’t. I’ll be fine.”

Therese immediately felt guilty. Why was she shaking long after the ground had stopped? Why couldn’t she just move on like the rest of the crowd had? Why was she ruining this vacation for Carol?

“It’s alright darling. I am here. Nothing’s going to happen.” Carol spoke softly but Therese avoided her gaze.

“Come up to the room, if you are done eating. Let me run you a bath.” Carol spoke into Therese’s ear and gave her hand another squeeze before picking up her plate and leaving.

Therese couldn’t bear to even look at food right now and nothing sounded better than a quiet room with Carol’s stable arms around her.

The room was already swinging with the music on the phonograph and she could hear Carol in the bathroom.

“Carol? Could you leave the bath? I’ve already had a shower.”

Therese stood directly in front of the bathroom door. Carol came out and immediately took Therese into her arms. Therese clung on to Carol, arms clutching her shoulders and face buried in her chest. She hadn’t realized she was breathing heavily until it started to even out.

“Are you feeling any better?” Carol asked after a few minutes.

Therese nodded in response but didn’t let go. Chasing this feeling of panic was going to wear her out. She didn’t want to talk lest she either vomit or immediately start crying.

“It’s okay. I am here to protect you. Nothing will even come close, darling.” Carol kissed the top of Therese’s head.

They didn’t have anything planned for the afternoon so they spent it in the hotel, in a tangled mesh of limbs on their suite couch. Carol did most of the talking to distract Therese from whatever she was thinking. It must have hit Carol in some way too, Therese thought. Carol had seen the destruction before this, the panic of a proper war, where the mushroom clouds formed above millions of civilians and not just in a scenic view from a hotel in downtown. Sure she saw it on a television in the comfort of her lavish home in the country but it must’ve stayed with her someway. Therese looked up from Carol’s chest to look at her. Her strong jaw moving along with the story about the first time Rindy rode a cycle, calm eyes looked forward in reminiscence. She pressed a kiss to Carol’s jaw and hugged her tighter. Soon, Carol urged Therese to give her a tour of the hotel. Therese finally livened at that idea and enthusiastically gave Carol as detailed a tour of the hotel as best she could. She liked being the one to show Carol around, to reveal something she’s never seen. She felt her heart flutter every time she saw the wonder in Carol’s eyes or the shock on her face. They made their way through the garden courtyard where, hidden behind leaves and vines, Therese gave Carol a quick peck on the lips. It was only after that that Therese’s heart had started to beat normally, well as normally as it could when Carol flashed her the most dashing of smiles and a look as if to say be careful or I’ll get you.

Night fell slowly and the Strip came alive as the lights and signs lit up and burned in the Mojave like a single candle in a dark room. They had decided to have a night of music at the Copa Room. Peggy Lee was playing tonight and though both of them were Billie Holiday girls, they were excited nonetheless. Therese was particularly excited to tell Julie, who was the biggest Peggy Lee fan, all about it when they went back to New York. Maybe Julie would appreciate a photo of the performance or maybe she could get her any other souvenir from it. Therese lost herself in the thoughts of New York, how quiet and comfortable their little apartment was. How the night was never as boisterous as it was here. Carol had admittedly said that even she felt out of her depth here. Parties were never their scene and the energy this city held was nothing similar to the quaintness of the places they had come from, nothing of the little heritage America had.   
  
Here they saw a new kind of culture. A culture not ashamed of its lack of history and proud of its self-proclaimed youth, where the youth found its long-sought-after danger, where people from old money found their Bethesda fountain in bottles of endless booze and chips on the counter and where people lived on two things, money and luck. The tall neon signs and buildings were all part of the bravado. Only Americans know how to build an entire culture out of their own hubris like Carol would say.

If nothing else, this definitely provided Therese with ample of interesting topics to photograph, Carol and her walked along the Strip, taking in the sites before their show started. The whole ideas born out of a test site nearby, of atomic parties, atomic cocktails, hairdos and such made for a relevant and powerful subject. She wondered how people could be so desensitized to something of this caliber? Maybe it is their way to cope, to make jokes and move on. She got a perfect shot of a man looking miserable, holding a cold beer to his head, and sitting under a neon sign that still proudly shone. The memory of the blast in the morning came back up and she reminded herself of the shot she needed to take. Mr. Cage would love it if it were still relevant when she came back; she hoped it wouldn’t be, though.

When the time came, they made their way to the nightclub. The room was packed, people sitting shoulder to shoulder on closely laid tables. The crowd was charged with contagious energy and swayed with the music like the wine in Therese’s glass. Peggy Lee stood on the stage, confident and beautiful, her blonde hair shimmering like diamonds in the spotlight and the stunning white gown she wore had everyone in the room swooning. Therese was absolutely mesmerized.

“Now I see why Julie loves her so much. Her voice is divine.” Therese gushed as Carol sat with her arms crossed across her chest.

“Careful now. Don’t go falling in love.” Carol huffed from across the table. Therese noted the hint of jealousy in her voice.

“It’s too late for me. I have already fallen.” She smiled at Carol as she ran her foot along Carol’s calf.

But Carol looked away from her, comically pouting. “I Love Being Here With You” flowed through the room. Therese took a generous sip of her wine and swayed with the music. She saw that Carol was watching her through the corner of her eye and made her swaying more deliberate, and then Carol finally broke a smile. The tables were packed close, and though people were engaged in conversations of their own and the music made every other sound around them illegible, Carol still leaned in, maybe a bit too close.

“Seems like I’ve fallen too.” Therese could hear the smile in Carol’s voice. Her cheeks flushed red and she wore the goofiest smile on her face for the rest of the night.

Three glasses of wine and an amazingly good time later, Therese was stumbling and falling all throughout their walk back to their hotel. The Strip saw much more on its streets everyday so no one even batted an eye to Therese.

“Jack of all Trades.. master of none..” Therese sung loudly into the air, stopping only to hiccup.

“Okay there, Lady day. Let's get you back to your room.” Carol reached out to grab Therese but she jumped out of her reach.

“I'm so sure you’d be good for me… if you’d only play my game” Therese started to walk backward and wiggled her finger to beckon Carol towards her.

Therese could barely walk in heels sober. So when she was drunk and walking backward, she was doomed to fall. Therese’s foot failed to follow the other and she fell like a lump in the middle of the pavement. The whole world blurred in front of her and after a moment of confusion, she looked up to see Carol right by her side, look of utter concern on her face.

“Therese! Are you okay? Are you hurt?” Carol tried to pull Therese up but her body was dead weight.

“I know a little bit.. about a lot of things.. but I don’t know enough about you” Therese crooned up to Carol in response. She saw Carol hide her face behind her palm but she could see that smile from a mile away.

“You are impossible.” Carol laughed as she dragged Therese onto her feet. She took one of Therese’s arms and wrapped it around her shoulders. Therese could feel Carol’s hand on her waist and the curve of Carol's hip that pressed into her side. Clearly, this was no lost site to Vegas as only a few people turned to look at them, the few who looked only looked at Therese.

Therese woke up with the biggest headache possible and a mouth that felt like cobwebs of slime had grown in it. Her shoes were at the side of the bed, even though she didn’t remember taking them off, and she was tucked in. Therese tried to call out for Carol but her throat closed shut, it took every ounce of strength in her bones to rip the covers off and go to the bathroom. She looked a right mess, in yesterday’s dress and yesterday’s makeup. The door creaked open and Carol came up behind her. Therese looked at her in the bathroom mirror, immaculate as always and smugly smiling at her, then she looked at herself, dazed out of her mind and looking like death.

“Well you look absolutely divine” Carol tried to control herself but couldn’t.

“Don’t. My brain can’t think of anything witty right now.”

Carol put her hands on Therese's shoulders and kissed her hairline.

“Get some rest sweetie. We leave in the evening.”

“Evening? Today? But we haven’t even been to the casinos yet” Therese questioned. Carol smiled warmly at her, she could see a little regret in her eyes.

“Well considering your predicament today, I don’t think you’d even be able to leave the room for breakfast. Also, I don’t want you to feel like my trophy wife as I clean tables with my excellent poker face” Carol bit Therese’s ear lobe, Therese pulled away and swatted at Carol’s stomach.

“You wish I was your trophy wife. You can barely find your coat in the morning without me.” Therese raised an eyebrow towards Carol.

“It is true my darling I am nothing without you.” Carol turned Therese around. Therese stretched to kiss her but Carol moved away.

“You know I am not going to kiss you until you take a shower”

“Liar” is all Therese said before grabbing the side of Carol’s face and connecting their lips.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woah so sorry this chapter took so long guys. I had real trouble with this one so let me know if it's okay. I promise the next update will come sooner!!

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!! I am in love with this movie/book so expect more soon. I am always looking to improve so critics are welcome. I do not own these characters (obviously) god bless Patricia Highsmith for them. Also, a lot of references to the book made here so if you get confused then that's why.


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